When You Feel Abandoned by God: Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul
By BlessChat Team ·
There's a kind of silence that cuts deeper than any argument or tragedy. It's the silence you feel when you pray and hear nothing. When the faith that once felt like a warm blanket now feels like an empty room. If you're going through a dark night of the soul, I want you to know something right away: you are not broken, and you are not alone.
This experience — this gut-wrenching sense of feeling abandoned by God — has a name, a history, and most importantly, a way through. Mystics, saints, and ordinary believers have walked this same road for centuries. And many of them came out the other side with a faith deeper than anything they had before.
Let's talk about what's actually happening, why it happens, and how to navigate it without losing yourself.
What Is the Dark Night of the Soul?
The term "dark night of the soul" comes from a 16th-century poem by St. John of the Cross, a Spanish mystic who described a period of profound spiritual desolation. But you don't need to be a mystic to experience it.
In simple terms, it's a season where your connection to God feels severed. Prayer feels hollow. Scripture feels flat. The worship songs that once moved you to tears now sound like background noise.
It's Not Depression (Though It Can Look Like It)
Let's be clear: the dark night of the soul and clinical depression can overlap, but they aren't the same thing. Depression affects your neurochemistry and often requires professional treatment. A faith crisis, on the other hand, is specifically rooted in your spiritual life — your relationship with the divine feels disrupted.
That said, if you're experiencing prolonged hopelessness, changes in sleep or appetite, or thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to a mental health professional. There's no shame in that. God works through therapists too.
A Spiritual Invitation, Not a Punishment
Here's something that might surprise you: many spiritual directors see the dark night not as God pulling away, but as God inviting you deeper. As The Open Door explains, "the soul is being called to experience God in a new kind of way, no longer experiencing him through feelings or images, but now nakedly through blind faith."
In other words, the training wheels are coming off. That's terrifying — but it's also growth.
Why Does God Feel So Distant?
This is the question that keeps people up at night. If God is loving, why would He allow this kind of suffering? Several perspectives can help make sense of it.
Your Faith Is Being Refined
Think of it like a muscle that only grows under resistance. When everything is easy and God feels close, your faith is comfortable — but it isn't being tested. The dark night strips away the feelings of faith so that what remains is the real thing: trust without evidence.
Soul Shepherding puts it powerfully: "In a Dark Night, God has in love withheld certain blessings and withdrawn your felt sense of his presence." That phrase — in love — is the key. The withdrawal isn't cruelty. It's cultivation.
Even Jesus Experienced It
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46). If Jesus himself cried out in a moment of spiritual doubt and perceived abandonment, then your experience doesn't disqualify you from faith. It places you in very good company.
Life Circumstances Compound the Feeling
Sometimes the dark night doesn't arrive in a vacuum. Grief, illness, job loss, betrayal — these shake the foundation of everything, including faith. Paul Tanner on Patheos wisely notes that we should "develop the wisdom to discern storms in our lives" and learn to rest and pray within them, rather than fight them alone.
The Stages of Spiritual Darkness
Understanding where you are in the process can bring comfort. While everyone's journey differs, the dark night of the soul often follows a recognizable pattern:
- The Trigger — A loss, a doubt, or a creeping sense that something has shifted in your spiritual life.
- The Disconnect — Prayer feels empty. God feels silent. You may question whether He was ever there at all.
- The Struggle — You try to "fix" it through more prayer, more reading, more church. Nothing works the way it used to.
- The Surrender — Exhausted, you stop trying to manufacture the old feelings and simply sit in the silence.
- The Emergence — Slowly, often without fanfare, a new kind of faith begins to take root — quieter, sturdier, more real.
Spirituality Read emphasizes that during these stages, you'll face "deep fears, confusion, and emotional upheaval," but it's also a time to "build resilience by embracing chaos and practicing patience, kindness, and self-compassion."
Practical Ways to Navigate a Faith Crisis
Knowing what's happening is one thing. Surviving it is another. Here are specific, actionable steps that can help when feeling abandoned by God becomes your daily reality.
1. Stop Trying to Feel Your Way Back
This might sound counterintuitive, but chasing the old feelings often makes things worse. Faith isn't a feeling — it's a decision. Reformed Theological Seminary puts it bluntly: "We must learn to live our Christian lives not on the basis of how we feel subjectively, but what God has promised."
2. Keep Showing Up (Even When It's Empty)
Don't abandon your practices just because they feel hollow. Pray even when it feels like talking to a wall. Read even when the words blur together. Show up to community even when you'd rather hide. Consistency during the dark night is an act of profound faith — perhaps the most honest faith you've ever practiced.
3. Talk to Someone Who Gets It
A spiritual director, a trusted pastor, or even a friend who has walked this road can be a lifeline. You need someone who won't panic when you say "I'm not sure I believe anymore" and who won't try to fix you with a Bible verse.
4. Journal What You're Feeling
Writing can externalize the chaos. You don't need to write prayers or anything "spiritual." Just be honest on the page. Some of the Psalms are essentially journal entries of people in spiritual crisis — raw, angry, desperate, and ultimately faithful.
5. Lean Into Lament
Western Christianity often skips over lament, jumping straight from suffering to praise. But the Bible is full of lament — honest cries of pain directed at God. Giving yourself permission to grieve, to be angry, and to question is not a failure of faith. It's a feature of it.
6. Consider Professional Support
If your spiritual doubt is accompanied by anxiety, depression, or other mental health struggles, a counselor who understands both psychology and faith can help you navigate both dimensions at once.
Holding Onto Promises When Faith Feels Gone
When everything inside you screams that God has left, the promises of Scripture become an anchor — not because they instantly feel true, but because you choose to stand on them anyway.
Stacey Pardoe highlights Romans 5:8: "God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God's love isn't contingent on your emotional experience of it.
Moreover, as The Divine Mercy reminds us, the fundamental remedy is always the same: trust Him, even in the darkness. "The darkness is not dark to Him; the night is as bright as the day."
And as Bongos Okoh writes on Medium, "If you go through the Bible you will see so many instances where people felt abandoned and forgotten by God, yet in the end, God finished what He started."
He finishes what He starts. Including you.
How Technology Can Support Your Spiritual Journey
In moments of spiritual doubt, sometimes you need a conversation at 2 AM when no one else is awake. That's where tools like BlessChat can serve a real purpose — not as a replacement for human community or professional guidance, but as a compassionate, always-available companion that meets you where you are.
Whether you need to process your thoughts, explore a Bible passage through a new lens, or simply feel heard in the darkness, AI-powered spiritual tools can hold space for your questions without judgment.
You Will Get Through This
The dark night of the soul is not the end of your faith story. For many, it becomes the most important chapter — the one where shallow belief was burned away and something unshakeable took its place.
If you're in the thick of it right now, here's what I want you to remember:
- Your doubt doesn't disqualify you. It deepens you.
- God's silence isn't absence. Sometimes it's an invitation to listen differently.
- You're in historic company. Saints, mystics, and even Jesus walked this road.
- It's okay to get help. From pastors, counselors, friends, and even thoughtful technology.
Take the next breath. Take the next step. The dawn is closer than you think.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How long does the dark night of the soul last?
There's no set timeline. For some, it lasts weeks; for others, months or even years. The duration often depends on what's being transformed in your spiritual life. The key is not to rush through it but to allow the process to do its work while seeking support along the way.
Q: Is feeling abandoned by God a sin?
Absolutely not. Feeling abandoned by God is a human experience, not a moral failure. Even Jesus expressed a sense of abandonment on the cross. Honest doubt and lament are woven throughout Scripture and are a natural part of deep faith.
Q: Can the dark night of the soul cause you to lose your faith permanently?
While some people do walk away from faith during a spiritual crisis, many emerge with a stronger, more authentic relationship with God. The outcome often depends on how you respond — seeking support, staying honest, and remaining open to transformation can make all the difference.
Q: What's the difference between a faith crisis and losing your religion?
A faith crisis is typically a temporary disruption — your beliefs are being tested and reshaped, but the underlying desire for connection with God remains. Losing your religion, by contrast, usually involves a deliberate decision to abandon belief entirely. Many people in a dark night of the soul fear the latter but are actually experiencing the former.
Q: Should I keep going to church during a dark night of the soul?
If possible, yes — but give yourself grace. Community can be grounding even when worship feels hollow. However, if a specific environment is causing harm or deepening your pain, it's okay to step back and find support elsewhere, whether through a small group, a counselor, or a trusted spiritual companion.
Q: How can I help someone going through spiritual doubt?
Listen more than you speak. Resist the urge to offer quick fixes or Bible verses as band-aids. Simply being present, validating their pain, and assuring them that doubt is normal can be more powerful than any theological argument. Point them toward professional support if needed.